Nein! For '09

CNBC has a stupid series of predictions for 2009. You know, reasonable stuff that won't seem ridiculous at all - poor Diana Olick is convinced the world is ending. Look at this hilariously misguided/bitter quote from her 9 for '09 column:

9. Should I Buy a House in 2009?

Yes, in fact, buy one for me. Unfortunately, during the housing boom, I chose to use a traditional mortgage product at a higher rate than all those fancy schmancy products that could have afforded me that really swank big tudor on the avenue. You know, the one with the massive chef’s kitchen/family room, the master suite with its own wet-bar and the back yard that could actually contain my son’s Big Papi-esque hitting capacity. I really wanted that house, but for some ridiculous reason I bought one at half the size and half the price, which leaves me still making my mortgage payments every month, unlike everyone else. I’m just SO uncool.

I'm sure folks on the dole maybe reading this in the library between bathroom towel-and-sink bathing sessions are super sympathetic! Sorry you couldn't get "bailed out" with the "middle class" you whiny, sad woman. How about you go home to your house that you were able to buy before your "middle class" compatriots pushed housing well out of the range of virtually all Americans through asinine loan products and qualification standards and maybe have a glass of eggnog! You'll feel better!

Exclamation points!

Anyway, I won't be making any major predictions from '09 beyond a Q3/Q4 jobless recovery and the re-emergence of inflation. My ego is as big as anybody else's that works in banking but it is delusional to think that anything can be reasonably predicted in this market environment. Hell, even my mini-dictions were fraught with qualifiers! We've got global stimulus programs of indeterminate size backing enormous depository bases with indeterminate risk changing at random intervals at the whims of large bald men with unprecedented access to America's central banking assets.

Anybody with a reputation to protect or assets to invest should view 2009 as a minefield. Anything you put on the internet can and will be used against you. If you're going to say anything opinion-based on a major financial news outlet, more than ever, do it boldly: it's best to be dismissed as a lunatic or hailed as a genius. With unprecedented volatility should come unprecedented claims, or silence. I choose the latter!